Life After Loss: Finding Your Way When a Loved One Dies in Long-Term Care

When someone you love dies in a long-term care facility, the silence afterward can feel louder than anything you’ve ever heard. Suddenly, the routines you built around their care—visits, calls, small conversations—are gone. You're left with grief, paperwork, and a quiet ache that settles into everyday life.

It’s not just about missing them. It’s about figuring out who you are now that your role as caregiver, advocate, or daily companion has shifted. Adjusting to this “new normal” takes time, support, and grace—especially for yourself.

You Don’t Have to Grieve a Certain Way

Grief is deeply personal. It doesn’t follow a checklist or a schedule. You might cry every day or not at all. You might feel relief, guilt, sadness, or even confusion. There’s no “right” way to mourn.

I thought I was prepared when Mom passed,” said Denise M., 61, from Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, whose mother died in assisted living. “But the silence afterward—the not needing to check in or call—hit harder than I ever expected.

Common grief symptoms include:

• Fatigue or low-energy
• Trouble sleeping or eating
• Chest tightness or nausea
• Mood swings, crying, or irritability

These are normal, even if they feel overwhelming. What matters most is allowing yourself to feel them without judgment. Grief isn’t a weakness. It’s a reflection of love.

Share your thoughts and experiences about aging, caregiving, health, grief, and long-term care with LTC News —Contact Us at LTC News.

Six Steps To Consider After the Loss of a Loved One

1. Handle Immediate Tasks, But Don’t Do It Alone

You’ll need to take practical steps in the first few days and weeks. It can be emotionally draining, so lean on a trusted friend or relative if possible.

Be sure to communicate with the long-term care facility in writing, requesting a final billing statement, and understand their process for vacating the room.

Start by:

• Securing multiple copies of the death certificate
• Notifying Social Security, banks, insurance providers, and pension administrators
• Reviewing the will and beginning any probate process with a legal advisor
• Review when you must get their personal belongings out of the long-term care facility

Important: Make sure you promptly retrieve all personal belongings from the facility. Sometimes, items like hearing aids, glasses, jewelry, or family photos are overlooked in the immediate aftermath. Request a full list of what your loved one had in their room and ask the facility to hold or return anything left behind.

Take time to thank the caregivers who looked after your loved one. Even a short handwritten note or photo can mean the world to staff members who became part of your family’s journey.

2. Rediscover Your Daily Rhythm

The emptiness that follows a loved one who has been living in long-term care can be jarring. You may have spent months—or years—coordinating medications, appointments, and emotional support. Now, there’s an open space you didn’t choose.

Hobbies, sports, and interests that provide meaning and purpose can restore a soothing routine.

Start small:

• Take morning walks or quiet coffee breaks
• Begin a simple gratitude journal
• Reconnect with hobbies or try new ones: painting, gardening, yoga
• Join a book club, volunteer group, or senior center activity

You don’t need to fill every moment. The goal is to create a gentle structure, not pressure. Little by little, routines help life feel a bit steadier.

3. Care for Your Body While Grieving

Grief affects more than your emotions—it impacts your body, too. Stress hormones can weaken your immune system, increase inflammation, and disrupt sleep or digestion.

Protect your health by:

• Eating nourishing meals regularly
• Avoiding excessive caffeine or alcohol
• Getting outside for light exercise
• Keeping medical checkups and dental appointments

If your grief becomes debilitating—interfering with your ability to function—it may be Prolonged Grief Disorder.

“But for a small but significant group of people, grief doesn’t resolve. It is ongoing, pervasive, intense and debilitating." – M. Katherine Shear, M.D., Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University, founding director of the Center for Complicated Grief.

In March 2022, PGD became the newest disorder to be added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or doctor for support.

4. Create Meaningful Ways to Remember

Honoring your loved one’s memory doesn’t have to be grand or public. It just has to be real.

You might consider:

• Cooking their favorite dish on special occasions
• Donating to a cause they cared about
• Creating a scrapbook or photo journal
• Planting a tree or dedicating a bench
• Listening to music they loved while lighting a candle

These acts turn grief into connection—reminders that the love remains, even after they’re gone.

5. Sort Belongings with Intention and Care

Going through your loved one’s belongings—especially in their long-term care room—can stir up intense emotions. Give yourself time. You don’t have to do it all at once.

Tips to make the process more manageable:

• Ask a trusted friend or family member to join you
• Set aside small blocks of time for sorting
• Create three clear categories: Keep, Donate, Let Go
• Label important keepsakes for future generations

If items are no longer needed, consider donating them to local shelters, hospice organizations, or senior centers. The Environmental Protection Agency notes that 85% of textiles can turn up in landfills, so donating could benefit someone else and the planet.—your donation could help both a person in need and the environment.

Before leaving the care facility, double-check closets, drawers, and common areas to make sure nothing important is forgotten.

6. Lean on Your Support Network

Grief is heavy, but you don’t have to carry it alone.

Consider:

• Talking openly with friends or adult children
• Joining a grief support group through a hospital or senior center
• Attending a church-based bereavement program
• Finding online communities of former caregivers
• Speaking with a licensed therapist

Social connection doesn’t eliminate grief, but it can ease the isolation and help you move forward with support.

When the “New Normal” Settles In

Eventually, the rawness softens. The tears may still come, but so does laughter. A memory might sting one day and warm your heart the next. That’s part of healing.

Let yourself rest. Let yourself grow. You’re not the same person you were before this loss—but you’re still here, and your story is still unfolding.

It wasn’t about ‘moving on,’” said Lisa J., 58, from Bixby, Oklahoma, who lost her father after a long stay in a nursing home. “It was about carrying him with me in a way that helped me keep going.

Resources for Families After a Loved One Dies

You’re not alone in this. LTC News offers trusted tools and support to help you move forward:

• The Compassionate Friends: Peer support for families grieving the death of a child at any age. Offers local chapters, online community, and telephone support 
• My Grief Angels: It is a fully volunteer-run nonprofit offering shared stories and directories of grief support groups.
• Inheritance of Hope: Supports families before and after a parent's death through retreats and ongoing peer gatherings
• USA.gov – “Dealing with the death of a loved one”: A comprehensive guide to obtaining a death certificate, filing for survivor benefits (including funeral, education, housing), and veteran-related help 
• SAMHSA – “Coping with Bereavement and Grief”: Provides federal‑level advice and links for emotion-focused and peer support
• LTC News Caregiver Directory – Finding quality long-term care services for a loved one to start with is very important. When you help provide a better quality of life, when a loved one passes, you will feel better knowing you have helped them during a difficult time. The directory has over 80,000 providers.
• Long-Term Care Insurance Information Center: Learn how planning ahead protects both assets and peace of mind for those you love before you pass.

Final Thought

“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.”
— Anne Roiphe, American author and essayist

There’s no finish line for grief—but there is a path forward. With time, support, and self-compassion, you’ll find your way back to steady ground. Let yourself feel, remember, and rebuild—one step at a time.