Care for An Aging Parent - Their Home or Yours?

It is heartbreaking for many people to see their older parent's health decline. It can be terrifying for some people to watch their parents age and become dependent on you and other family members. Sometimes they can be pretty young - in their late 50s or 60s - when you start to see signs of significant aging. Other times it doesn't happen until years later.

There can be several reasons for avoiding the subject; usually, it comes down to denial on their part. Many adults don't do much planning, including planning for their declining health and aging and the financial costs and burdens of long-term health care. Many of us don't think we will ever become dependent on others - or think long-term care is only about nursing homes. 

Aging Happens After 40

Look around; aging happens. We all start to experience declining health after 40, some faster than others. Our health and bodies decline, and once we get past 60, our risk of dementia increases. We start to need help with daily living activities, and this often leads to needing long-term health care either at home or in some type of facility like assisted living.

If they have not planned for long-term care or purchased Long-Term Care Insurance, the family becomes responsible. It usually leads to a family crisis. When your parent starts needing help with daily activities, or it isn't safe for them living alone, you're faced with a complex decision if they had failed to plan: should you move them in with you? 

Hopefully, they had the vision to purchase Long-Term Care Insurance because it would make everything much easier. Don't think you can purchase coverage for them when "you need it." LTC Insurance is medically underwritten, so you must have reasonably good health to obtain coverage. Most people, in fact, purchase coverage in their 50s. 

Who Will Be Responsible?

If your parents had not purchased Long-Term Care Insurance, their care needs, the costs, and the responsibilities fall into your lap. Which sibling gets the responsibility? Then, how do you proceed? Do you bring your parent (or parents) to your home - or do you provide them care in their home?

Your relationship may be one of the first considerations. If you have not been that close with them, it can complicate providing them care, no matter where you provide the care.

Then consider your family situation (spouse, children, career, and other responsibilities) that can make caregiving and living arrangements difficult. Your parent's financial situation – or the benefits under a Long-Term Care policy may make this easier. 

Your Place or Their Place?

Living arrangements and care settings can make a big difference for the care recipient, the caregiver, and their family. If you have become responsible, will your parent or parents live with you - or will you provide care in their home?

A discussion with your parents is essential. They may have avoided the subject in the past but bringing them in now to find the best solutions is critical. It will be much harder if they resist help.

 Learn Your Lessons

People often don't learn the lessons from the past to improve the future. What have you done differently than your parents have in planning for longevity, aging, and declining health?

Generally, the default caregiver (absence of a plan like LTC insurance) falls on a daughter or daughter-in-law. Could your children balance a career, a family, and be a caregiver? 

Would you really want them to in the first place? Wouldn't you rather have your adult children have the time to be family instead of the stress and burdens of providing long-term health care for you in the future?

Real Consequences  - Real Life

The consequences of aging and declining health care are real. These consequences affect families and finances in many ways. With long-term health costs increasing rapidly due to higher demand for services, labor shortages, and rising labor costs, the financial impact is significant.

Health insurance won't pay for long-term care, neither will Medicare or supplements other than a handful of days of skilled services. Medicaid will pay for long-term health care but only if you have little or no income and assets - plus, you can't just give away money to qualify for Medicaid. 

Affordable Long-Term Care Insurance will provide guaranteed tax-free resources and services to help everyone in this tough situation that we all will face sometime in our lifetime. These benefits include money for quality caregivers, case management (to help find, arrange and manage caregiving), and peace of mind so the family can be family.

Avoid Crisis Management

Crisis management is the worst type of management. A future successful retirement includes a plan for the financial costs and burdens of aging. Before you retire, make sure your family doesn't go through the tremendous physical, emotional, and financial burdens that eldercare places on loved ones. Also, keep in mind many Long-Term Care situations happen well before you get old.

Dealing with your parents getting older is emotionally tough and physically challenging. Think about your family and start planning before you retire.