Making the Decision to Take Away Elder Parent’s Keys

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Published: Dec 11th, 2017
Taking Away Elder Parent’s Keys
Article Updated:January 22nd, 2020

If you're in your 40s or 50s at some point, you may have to decide to take-away your elder parent's driving privileges. The decision to take away the car keys will not be easy, as you may be responsible for taking away a large part of their independence … something they have done all their life.

AAA says that as a group, seniors are safe drivers compared to other age groups because they are risk avoidant. They tend to wear their seat belts, not use excessive speed, and don't drink and drive. However, AAA says they are more likely to be injured or killed in traffic crashes due to age-related vulnerabilities, such as more fragile bones. 

Medical Conditions or Medications Than Impact Ability to Drive

Medical conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and other illnesses also make it more difficult for older drivers to recover from any injuries. Except for teen drivers, seniors have the highest crash death rate per mile driven, even though they drive fewer miles than younger people.

Seniors are outliving their ability to drive safely by an average of 7 to 10 years. Most older drivers recognize and avoid situations where their limitations put them at risk. They drive less after dark, during rush hour or in bad weather, and avoid difficult roads such as highways and intersections.

Aging and Driving Don't Always Go Along

Emily Yoffe writes on Slate, "When old people are involved in fatal crashes, the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety reports, their victims are most likely to be themselves and their equally elderly, frail passengers. Intersections are particularly perilous. According to a study in the journal Traffic Injury Prevention, intersection crashes accounted for about one-half of the fatalities in accidents among drivers 85 and older. The study found that when drivers 70 to 79 were involved in intersection collisions they tended to misjudge whether it was safe to proceed. Those 80 and over simply failed to see the other car."

Age should not be the only reason an older person should no longer drive. However, as we age, we should pay attention and recognize when their health and driving skills get to the point that they should no longer be allowed behind the wheel of a vehicle. Physical health issues and cognitive issues (Alzheimer's and other dementias) will pose a risk for the older driver and others on the road.

Sometimes, it can be hard for an older person to realize that he or she is no longer a safe driver. It would be best if you observe their driving.

Observing an Elder Driver

The National Institute on Aging (NIH) says there are things you should be looking for when reviewing if their driving is an issue:

  • Multiple-vehicle crashes, "near misses," and/or new dents in the car
  • Two or more traffic tickets or warnings within the last 2 years; increases in car insurance premiums because of driving issues
  • Comments from neighbors or friends about driving
  • Anxiety about driving at night
  • Health issues that might affect driving ability, including problems with vision, hearing, and/or movement including early memory loss
  • Complaints about the speed, sudden lane changes, or actions of other drivers
  • Recommendations from a doctor to modify driving habits or quit driving entirely

If you have any questions about their ability to drive, be sure to do a "ride-along" and observe their physical ability in controlling the vehicle. 

Your observation should include how they "stay within the lines." Do they weave or take up two lanes at the same time? Do they look left and right when they decide to change lanes? Do they use their blinkers? Do they seem confused in traffic or too cautious where they become a danger on the road?  

Look for excessive excuses for their driving actions. See if they avoid close parking places for those farther away but where no other vehicles are located. These all are signs that their time on the road should be coming to an end.

You might want to go to their next doctor's office visit and bring up the issue of driving. They might lie to you, but they may be less likely to lie to the doctor.

Remember, medications they may be taking could be a reason for their driving problems. A change in medication could be the answer to better driving. Clear communication with the doctor is critical in determining if the driving problem is part of the aging process or just a result of a medication that might be interacting with another drug or directly causing an issue that impacts their ability to drive.

Do not hesitate if you feel your parent is no longer able to be a safe driver. Hopefully, they willfully agree when you have the discussion. However, if they are not willing to give up the keys, you should still move forward for the safety of both your older parent and the public.

Suggestions to Consider 

Intervention.

This can be confrontational, but a group of family members and friends can be a powerful message to your parent. Getting a healthcare professional and even a clergy member involved can be helpful if you take this approach. The intervention needs to be handled firmly, but remember to be compassionate. The decision will impact their life and their independence. The inability to drive will change their life and the ability to being completely independent. However, their level of denial might be very high. 

DMV  

You can contact your state's Department of Motor Vehicles and report your concerns. Depending upon state regulations and your senior's disabilities, it may be illegal for them to continue to drive. The DMV may do nothing more than send a letter, but this might help convince your parent to stop. A report to the DMV could trigger a review of your parent's driving record or an order to retest the driver. Here is a state by state look at driving rules for seniors: https://www.claimsjournal.com/news/national/2012/09/19/213818.htm

Take Away the Keys

For some, this is the most extreme, but maybe the only way to ensure your elder parent is safe. When you take the keys away or disable the vehicle or move the vehicle to another location, you prevent access. They will not be happy; however, over time, they may feel better that the decision was made for them and it was for the best.

You Take the Keys Away … Now What?

When you take away their ability to get around, this can force you and other family members to be more involved. That won't always be easy since you have your own careers, family responsibilities, and time concerns that will get in the way.

Some areas provide free or low-cost bus or taxi services for older people. Some communities offer a carpool service or scheduled trips to the grocery store, mall, or doctor's office. Religious and civic groups sometimes have volunteers who will drive your parent where they may need to go.

Your local Area Agency on Aging can help you find services in your area. Call 1-800-677-1116, or go to www.eldercare.gov to find your nearest Area Agency on Aging.

More and more people are using services like Uber and Lyft. Both Uber and its competitor Lyft have taken steps to make their apps more accessible to seniors. Plus, you may be able to arrange for the service through your smartphone. As you know, more seniors now have smartphones, so this can be a convenient way for them to enjoy independence.

Resources

AARP offers the highly recommended Driver Safety Program for older people. To find a class near you, visit AARP's Driver Safety page online, call toll-free at 1-888-227-7669, https://www.aarp.org/auto/driver-safety/driving-skills-refresh/

If concern for your parent's driving ability has not yet become a concern, it probably will. Things can change quickly, so if they seem to be driving well now\ it doesn't mean next month will be the same. It requires you to be fully aware of their situation.

Editor's Note

Aging issues will happen to all of us. Having an advance plan for the financial costs and burdens of aging is a vital part of your overall planning for a future successful retirement. The fact is long-term care, and longevity will impact you, your family, your savings, your lifestyle, and your legacy. Longevity and related health issues should be addressed well before you retire.

Affordable Long-Term Care Insurance will not only safeguard your savings (401(k) IRA 403(b) SEP) but will reduce the tremendous burden that is otherwise placed on your family down the road.

Reduce some of that burden and making Long-Term Care Insurance part of your plan. These policies will provide resources for quality care either at home or in a facility like assisted living.

LTC NEWS Tools will Help in Research

Start your research by using the tools available on LTC NEWS. Just click here 

Be sure to use a qualified Long-Term Care Insurance specialist to help you in your research and shopping. Click here to find a trusted specialist 

Since health insurance and Medicare(including MedicareSupplements) won’t pay for a majority of the costs extended care will bring,  Long-Term Care Insurance will give you the resources for your choice of quality care in the setting you desire. Your family will have the time to be family and not be forced into crisis management and caregivers.

Act before you retire to enjoy much lower premiums and your chance at qualifying for preferred health discounts.

LTC News Contributor Linda Maxwell
Linda Maxwell

Contributor Since
December 11th, 2017

Former journalist who now enjoys writing about topics she is interested in.

About the Author

Linda is a former journalist who now enjoys writing about topics she is interested in so she “can keep her mind active and engaged”.

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