False Accusations from Aging Relatives: What to Do and How to Protect Yourself

Aging adults with dementia or other cognitive decline may falsely accuse you or other loved ones of theft or assault. Hence, staying calm and gathering evidence to support your side of the story is important.

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False Accusations from Aging Relatives: What to Do and How to Protect Yourself
7 Min Read July 13th, 2023

Elder financial abuse is a grave issue that affects many older adults, with an estimated 5.6 million victims of elder abuse reported in 2020, including 2.1 million victims of financial abuse, according to the National Adult Protective Services Association. 

However, false accusations of theft or assault made by elderly adults against their family members can also occur, causing distressing situations. While the frequency of such false accusations is not definitively known, studies have shown that they are not uncommon. 

Fortunately, various strategies, including legal recourse, effective communication, and conflict resolution techniques, are available to navigate these situations and find a suitable resolution within the family dynamic. Find out more about choosing the right path forward in handling these challenging circumstances.

Understanding the Legal Implications of Theft or Assault Accusations

When an aging loved one accuses you of theft or assault, it can be quite distressing. However, it is crucial to remain calm and understand that there can be legal implications involved in such accusations.

The severity of the legal implications may vary depending on whether the accusations are criminal or civil. Criminal accusations can carry potential jail time, while civil accusations can potentially result in monetary damages.

Understanding these implications enables you to take the right actions toward resolving this challenging situation effectively. Here are some tips for dealing with an elderly loved one who has accused you of theft or assault:

  • Remain calm and respectful. It is important to avoid getting angry or defensive, as this could escalate the situation.
  • Gather as much information as possible. This includes asking the elderly adult about the accusation and trying to corroborate their story with other evidence.
  • Contact an attorney. An attorney can help you understand your legal rights and options and can represent you if necessary.
  • Seek professional help. If the elderly adult has dementia or other cognitive decline, seeking professional help from a geriatric care manager or social worker may be helpful.

It is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people have been falsely accused of theft or assault by an elderly loved one. You can resolve this challenging situation effectively by remaining calm, understanding the legal implications, and taking the right actions.

Identifying the Signs of Age-Related Disorders Causing False Accusations

Recognizing the signs of age-related disorders is crucial when dealing with false accusations from an elderly relative. Symptoms such as Memory loss affecting daily life, difficulties in problem-solving or planning, and confusion about time or place may indicate underlying conditions. 

Understanding these behaviors in the context of cognitive decline can guide your response, including seeking medical advice or considering a psychological evaluation to ensure proper care and support for your loved one.

How to Hire a Lawyer

Navigating accusations from an elderly loved one can be overwhelming, but seeking professional legal assistance can provide valuable support. When facing criminal or civil accusations, it is advisable to consult specialized practitioners in your area. For example, if you live in New Jersey, help from New Jersey assault lawyers is easy and convenient.

No matter where you live, you can search the internet to find the right legal assistance. Choosing the right lawyer involves considering their experience in handling cases similar to yours and checking their local reputation. Conducting online research and seeking recommendations from trusted friends and family members can help you find the right legal representation.

If you are being falsely accused of theft or abuse by an elderly adult, seek legal counsel as soon as possible. An attorney can help you understand your legal rights and options and can represent you in court if necessary.

There are a few things to keep in mind when hiring an attorney to defend you against false accusations from an elderly adult:

  • Make sure the attorney is experienced in elder law. This will ensure that the attorney has the knowledge and expertise to handle your case.
  • Ask the attorney about their fees. Understanding how much the attorney will charge you for their services is important.
  • Get a feel for the attorney's personality. You need to be comfortable working with the attorney, as they will be representing you in a difficult situation.

Once you have found an attorney that you feel comfortable with, you can begin the process of hiring them. The attorney will need to gather information about your case, including the specific allegations against you and any evidence you have to support your side of the story. The attorney will then develop a legal strategy to defend you against the accusations.

Here are some additional tips for hiring an attorney to defend you against false accusations from an elderly adult:

  • Get referrals from friends, family, or colleagues. This is an additional way to find an attorney who is experienced in elder law and who you can trust.
  • Interview several attorneys before making a decision. This will give you a chance to compare their experience, fees, and personalities.
  • Ask the attorney about their track record in cases involving false accusations from elderly adults. This will give you an idea of how successful they have been in defending clients in similar situations.

Dealing with accusations from an elderly loved one can be confusing and stressful. This is when professional legal help can make a world of difference.

Overcoming Communication Barriers with an Aging Relative Making False Claims

Effective communication is critical when faced with false accusations from an aging relative. Here are some tips for talking to them:

  • Stay calm and patient: Even when the conversation gets difficult, it is important to remain calm and patient. Getting angry or defensive will only make the situation worse.
  • Avoid confrontations or arguments: Confrontations and arguments can escalate tension and make it more difficult to have a productive conversation. Instead, focus on listening to your relative and understanding their perspective.
  • Provide reassurance: Reassure your relative that you are there to support them and that you believe in them. This can help to reduce their anxiety and make them more likely to be open to talking to you.
  • Remember that they may be confused or frightened: It is important to remember that your relative may be confused or frightened. Offering compassionate understanding can help to maintain a positive relationship while you navigate this challenging situation together.

Here are some additional tips for overcoming communication barriers with an aging relative who is making false claims:

  • Use simple language and avoid jargon: If your relative is experiencing cognitive decline, they may have difficulty understanding complex language. Use simple language and avoid jargon as much as possible.
  • Be patient and repeat yourself as needed: If your relative does not understand something, be patient and repeat yourself as needed. It may take them longer to process information than it would for a younger person.
  • Use visual aids: Visual aids can help communicate with people who are experiencing cognitive decline. For example, you could use pictures or diagrams to help explain a concept.
  • Take breaks: If the conversation is getting too difficult, take a break. This will give you both a chance to calm down and come back to the conversation later.

Resolving the Issue Smoothly: Mediation and Other Conflict Resolution Strategies

Aside from legal measures, non-confrontational approaches like mediation can help resolve this delicate situation. Possible resolution strategies include:

  • Engaging a neutral mediator to facilitate discussions between you and your relative. A mediator is a neutral third party who can help you and your relative communicate effectively and reach a mutually agreeable resolution.
  • Considering family therapy or counseling to address underlying issues. If the false accusations are rooted in underlying issues such as dementia or mental health problems, family therapy or counseling can help to address these issues and improve communication between you and your relative.
  • Implementing safeguards such as video surveillance (with consent) in shared spaces. If you are concerned about your safety or the safety of your property, consider implementing safeguards such as video surveillance in shared spaces. This can help to provide proof against any false allegations and protect you from future harm.

These techniques can foster better understanding and provide proof against any misplaced allegations, all while preserving family relationships.

It is important to remember that this situation has no one-size-fits-all solution. The best approach will vary depending on the specific circumstances. However, by considering non-confrontational methods such as mediation, you can increase your chances of resolving the issue smoothly and preserving your family relationships.

The Bottom Line

Each instance of an aging relative accusing you of a crime must be taken individually. Do not jump into a particular course of action without considering the appropriateness of it in this context.

Ideally, you can resolve the situation with minimal pain or stress caused to you or other family members. However, if a lawyer is needed, get a good one and work with them as soon as possible.

It is important to remember that elderly adults are just as capable of making false accusations as anyone else. If you are accused of theft or assault by an elderly adult, it is important to take the accusation seriously but also to remain objective and gather as much information as possible before making any decisions.

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About the Author

Nadine is a registered dietitian, travel blogger & fitness lover who writes on many topics.

LTC News Contributor Nadine Westwood

Nadine Westwood

Contributor since July 13th, 2023

Editor's Note

Elder abuse is a serious problem. While there are situations where an older adult falsely accuses a loved one of some type of abuse, many of us are more concerned that a friend or relative will take advantage of us when we get older.

One important step is to have an advanced plan in place. This could include a Long-Term Care Insurance policy, a living will, or a power of attorney.

A Long-Term Care Insurance policy will help provide financial assistance when you need long-term care services. This can help prevent financial abuse, as you will not rely on others for financial support or be forced to have a loved one sell off assets to pay for future care.

A living will, and a power of attorney can help ensure that your wishes are respected if you cannot make decisions for yourself. This can help to prevent abuse, as it will give someone you trust the authority to make decisions on your behalf.

How Having an Advanced Plan Provides Access to Quality Care

In addition to helping prevent elder abuse, having an advanced plan can also help ensure you have access to quality care. If you have a Long-Term Care Insurance policy, you will have access to your choice of quality care services without being forced to drain assets to pay for them. This can help to ensure that you receive the care that you need when you need it, without anyone taking advantage of you in the process.

A living will, and a power of attorney will also help ensure you receive quality care. If you have a living will, you can specify the types of care that you do and do not want to receive. This can help to prevent you from receiving unwanted or unnecessary care.

A power of attorney can give someone you trust the authority to make decisions about your care. This can be helpful if you become unable to make decisions for yourself.

The reality is we all age, and being prepared will benefit you and your family in many ways. Most people get coverage in their 40s or 50s as part of an overall retirement plan.

Professional Help Makes Planning Easy and Affordable

Turn to a skilled professional to help you shop for and design a Long-Term Care Insurance policy. Most financial advisors and general insurance agents are not experienced in this area and often recommend products that are too expensive or do not meet federal guidelines. 

What Are Long-Term Care Insurance Regulations? How Do They Protect Policyholders?

When using an experienced Long-Term Care Insurance specialist, you will know you are getting professional recommendations based on your situation. A specialist will match your age, health, and other factors with the insurance company that will provide the most benefits at the lowest cost.

Underwriting criteria and premiums vary dramatically between insurance companies. A specialist will provide accurate quotes from all the top companies, generally immediately, without waiting.

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